by Bodwyn Wook
A Letter To Mr anticant:
[THOSE Who delight in peeping in on the spectacle of gentlemen in distress will, one has no doubt in these ‘democratic’ times, derive lots of a kind of guilty satisfaction for themselves, in fossicking around in this ‘link’ which is none of their affair!
Mr a. cant, esq.
Burrow In The Great North Road,
20 August 2007 (OS)
MY Dear Friend:
ON Having been ‘tagged’ by you, Sir, as one of the ‘on-line’ scriveners whom you profess most to enjoy, it is therefore all the more embarrassing to tell you all that I know virtually nothing of any of your respective ouevres!
IT Is, I fear, a loathsome confession & a matter of ‘vanity, Madam, untrammelled vanity…’.
I Have been doing Bodwyn Wook and ‘Old Uncle Crow’ only since the Spring of 2006; and, thus, the most of my headlong obliviousness to the work of others — your work, alas! — has to do of course with the fact that I am still at what the advanced Sufis would call the ‘unloading phase’. A practical consequence is that when I do undertake to peep in on Mr Yankee Doodle for instance, or M Merkin, straightaway I am laid by the heels by an idea; and, waylaid by ambition; and, snotty as it may sound, I think to myself: ‘Well, sink me! This is too, Too, TOO good a line of thought now a-borning to abjectly surrender here, to oblivion in some wretched dyspeptic commentary-welter, nor ever to be read, and ever un-beheld again, by one single human eye! Nay…no! I may as well anyway go about getting lost in mine own pp, where at least (one of) my name(s) appears…At The Very Top! Humph, hah..ah, just so!’
INDEED, Sir, you can attest the unlovely truth for yourself; and, I have too too-often abused the hospitality of your graciously provided comments-spaces; but to rehearse some phenolic notion or other only of my own; and, then, to grease it all up only for some subsequent bow, in B.W.
THAT Is it in a nutshell & ‘it is, Madam, precisely untrammelled vanity’.
I May say, however, that I do form a positive initial impression of Mr. Yankee Doodle over all, his steadiness of tone & temper; and, do see that he is, truly, an american patriot; and, not some laothsome (sic) and sweaty, texican, nationalist. He is a serious man.
IN Quite the same way, Mr. The Barefoot Bum is entirely worthy of respect; although I may say, Mr. Bum, that not the least of the attractions of imprecatory prayer for me is the ludicrous spectacle of — the imprecator! But then I was raised amidst protestant farmers in the american upper Middle West, all of whom have latent in their psyches, as Old Jung said, the figures of old jewish and mohametan patriarchs; so, I’ve had the advantage, I suspect, of having beheld imprecation at its most moving & eloquent, side-splittingly funny…and, drearily hopeless & pathetic; and, all lost as a little boy without his Mam in the rain, in a Devon church-fair.
AND That is that, I fear, Sir.
‘TIS A gaffe of some proportion truly, well I know it, as I’ve not even so much as looked in on Mr. Zola, or Sr. Jose, or many others of you; whereas you’ve all been more than kind to me & my fulminate meditations. And, so, in closing if I may, I should wish respectfully only to request that you, Mr. a. cant, pray do withdraw your kindly — and, most embarrassing! — nomination, oh, for the balance anyway of this Parliament & prorogation; and, we shall await how matters may stand on the occasion of some more worthy future; and, one in which, perhaps, all may be deemed amended in the light of your gracious kindness & favour, Sir, and cet. & cet., dither & I have the privilege etc. & I am hey-diddle diddle & cetera,
In The Hammerhead Road,
Old Federal Minnesota
(SYD, You bastard sot, carry this into town to the post in the morning! With the cream! And damme! They MIGHT have had to have ought to have had asked about…BOOKS!
[Emmett R Smith all rights reserved 20 August 2007]