by Emmett R Smith
At outset, let me just say that on the rare occasions that I do happen to have forgotten my Koran and wind up stuck with watching the Tee Vee “news,” I do enjoy watching and hearing Ms Katie Couric at Columbia, in New York. It seems a pity, then, to be told by oldtime newsies that her “ratings” are not good. That is difficult to believe in view of the record of her predecessor, Mr Lather, or Ms Chung for that matter, but nowadays these things do seem to be what is all-important in peddling both loaded reports and advertising-revenue.
I would suggest that maybe the fault is not in our newsreader “stars,” but in their producers.
Just last week, Ms Couric was projected and catapaulted onto the presidential primary candidates in a stunt, complete with gag questions designed To Stump And Be Clever:
“What is the worst advice you ever had…or gave?”
Thus armed to bedazzle, the twinkling Ms Couric then launched herself like a kind of semi-unguided missile at the nominally unsuspecting candidates, as one-by-one they were dragged through the Columbia studio.
The responses were, however, as variable as the personalities (and, characters!) of those answering:
Mr Senator John Sidney McCain III (born August 29, 1936) said that he had bad advice when he was told in a previous incarnation to ignore the Confederate flag-issue — and, that it was wrong of him to have followed it.
Ms Katherine Anne “Katie” Couric (born January 7, 1957) looked glazed and as if she were dealing with a gruff uncle of rather uncertain temperament. Likewise, she glazed while Mr Michael Dale “Mike” Huckabee (born August 24, 1955) explained he had been wrong to follow advisors who told him to come down hard on government funding of the art of Mr Robert Mapplethorpe. Although Mr Mapplethorpe was not named explicitly, nonetheless Ms Couric looked torn between the perceived latent homphobia in it all and Mr Huckabee’s actually rather-kindly personality.
Come the turn of Mr Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. (born August 4, 1961), and Ms Couric was positively ready for a characterful display of some sort indeed!
Alas, when she “sprang” her “loaded” question as I believe the Tee Vee people put this all, Mr Obama stammered, looked exactly like a man on the spot and trying to make up something, about misadvising “my sister…she’s nine years younger…,” before deciding to drop the whole thing and saying it was all too personal and a matter of family business.
It left Ms Couric smiling rather fixedly in the direction of Mr Obama’s rather distinct ears, and one indeed imagines Mr Ken Starr chortling to himself in front of the bigscreen Tee Vee to beat Hell on welfare in the old people’s home, in Columbus, and then wetting himself.
Mr Willard “Mitt” Romney (born March 12, 1947 in Detroit, Michigan) said something completely forgettable under caterpillar too-low brows when his turn came, and then Ms Couric actually looked sincerely not offended, when Mrs Bill Clinton — Ms Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton (born October 26, 1947) — said, brightly, ‘…oh, YOU know what it’s like!” and then chattered brightly in bright sororal tones — about loads of bad fashion advice (!)
By this time Ms Couric was understandably ready for something familiar, homey if you will, and thus she began to glow now the more warmly as Mr Fred Dalton Thompson (born Freddie Dalton Thompson, on August 19, 1942), the Tee Vee actor from Tennessee, went on in un-gruff favorite uncle accents, about how he’d made a wrong law-career turn on advice, when young. This was comforting stuff to Ms Couric, no doubt, and as one can well imagine in view of the matter of the fate of the late Mr Lather — and, of Ms Connie Chung — for after all, Ms Couric and Mr Thompson both are thespians of one sort or the other.
So, alas, she was set up badly rather for her downfall, when there rolled along the turn of the libertine, the rather-obvious, Mr Rudolph William Louis “Rudy” Giuliani (born May 28. 1944). The upshot is that Ms Couric was thrown into a sort of grinning coma as Mr Giuliani preened and radiated pheromones, warmly and in the very manner of a nicely sedated Mr Jack Nicholson. One supposes that if she smiled too widely and so hard at him, it was because the lady from Columbia felt well and truly at home by now, and as Mr Giuliani’s is so completely a New Yorker of the familiar faux–avuncular type. At any rate all of this famlisome sheer homieness made her eyes flash and grow wide, too wide perhaps? A low business on Mr Giuliani’s part, if so, for it left Ms Couric without at all intending of course, nonetheless wearing her heart upon her sleeve so to speak….
But, anyway, the good news is that there were — and, will continue not to be one hopes — no interviews of this sort, neither with Mr Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney (born January 30, 1941) nor Mr George Walker Bush (born July 6, 1946.)
[Emmett R Smith all rights reserved 21 January 2008]