by Emmett R Smith
The Democrat Party certainly does not deserve to have The Donkey as their totem.
Donkeys are such dear little beasts that I’d as lief have them for my false-conservative Rebooblicans…but, maybe those unislamic hogs will just have to make do with — The Hippopotamus!
Hippopotami are cool, they can go up to three tons and are always crabby, like Mr Limbaugh, The Famous Dope Addict, when he can’t find his pills.
Unlike Mr Limpsomething, The Famous Dope Addict, however, the 3-ton hippo can run up to 15 miles per hour (like Ms Ann Coulter hotfoot after a humanist queer, waving “her” Bible!) and they will stomp the micturate out of you, if you trip and fall over Mrs Bill Clinton and Mr Bob Kerry, The 2004 War Hero-Nuisance & All The Rest Of The DLC Thieving Attorneys, in the general ill-mannered rush for the exit….
Another thing about hippopotami is that they practice EDE (explosive defecatory elimination) as a territorial marker and propeller [sic — ed] their tails to accelerate the discharge. This feature, as well as being cute (and rather exciting to Ms Coulter, who keeps making sidelong glances at Mr Limpmore, The Famous Dope Addict, and wishing he were more like Mr Senator “Teddy” Kennedy!), makes esp the Two Irish Formerly Oppressed Minorities — how soon these hibernian coons forget their miseries at the hands of others and go in for lynching! — “Mr” Hannity & “Mr” O’Reilly just sick with envy. Their puny and sub-literate, uncultured, capacities for “the smear” are so, well, just jejeune by comparison.
In fact, hippos are so cool I am going to just plain keep them, Plus Them Elephants, for us real conservatives — and these GOP fakes will simply have to make do with a petrie dishful of HIV retroviri…and just plain pipe down about it.
Likewise these other thieves can just hand over The Donkey — now! — and my Democrat friends may have for themselves instead The Not-Inapposite Hookworm, in honor of their Deep South Ardently Scotch-Irish & No Good, bullying, history of lynching and former general resistance to “big” government.
For once, please, let us just have one or two truthful symbols, ones for a change that are not a pack of lies.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my faults and am emotionally a New Deal Democrat (as well as part-Irish), I actually had to take cocaine in the ’80s to feel even remotely Republican at all, and my only gripe with “progressives” (whose hearts are in the right place!) is, alas, that their kindly-meant government-fantasy invariably swells the trinket of federal power to even more dangerous dimensions, time-for-time — throwing down even more temptations into the path of weakheaded so-called “conservatives,” international power-and-excitement cases, trailercourt “born again” Christians all sickly with Old Testament Jew-envy, and other moral unfortunates when it is their turn at bat.
Were history not so badly taught, this would be the clear lesson of the story of the past seventy-five years.
But, alas, it is, and so we have on our hands today these fraudulant gangs and relays of group-sex “liberal” Republicans, this whole load of postmodern foul balls on the order of Ruddy G, Baby, The NYC Real False Alarm.
Mr Senator John McCain is another fantasy Rebooblican of this sort, personally moral enough but now freshly endorsed and tarred and feathered by association, by The Stale Condom Full Of California Walnuts. His cryptical liberal credentials are attested by the fact that he is Another War Hero-Nuisance on the order of Mr Senator Bob Kerry, and comports himself like a rather uncertainly-medicated Richard Dreyfuss — whereas none of these facts, however depressing, are bona fide conservative credentials, not really….
The late-lamented Mr Governor Romney, we were told, is A Conservative (sic) “because” he is a rebooblican businessman and corporationist — whereas these traits are actually oxymoronic when linked by the historical and moral illiterates of the Human Events highschool crowd, with conservative:
Because as matters stand now, actual conservatives know that over-large human organizations of any sort, whether Mr Senator McCain’s government floundering around in the mohammedan salt marshes in Persia or Mr Governor Romney’s borrowing more cash from The Sneering Chinese “sovereignty” fund to build pipelines for Great Lakes water to the southern Great plains, all of that in the end will menace the human and constitutional, American, individual — every time, every time.
[Emmett R Smith all rights reserved 9 February 2008]