THE Reverie of an old farmer at the 2007 LeSueur County, MN, tractor show:
CHRIST All mighty! I believe I could DO this, by God…! AND kick some ASS, too – and TAKE names! Wow! Listen to that old Case just HOWL…pocketa-Pocketa-Pocketa-POCK! Va-ROOM! Huff-varoom-huff-Varoom-chof, Chof, CHOF…! ‘Sir, this tractor is going to throw both stabilization stramuses — we CAN’T go on!’ ‘Mr Just…God DAMN the stabilization stramuses, tell them God-damn little grandkids to throw MORE kerosene corncobs into the firebox or there WON’T be any Teletubbies on Tee Vee fer THEM little sonsofbitches in the morning, by GOD – I’m slamming the dirty bastard down NOW!’ Pocketa-pock…Chof-varoom, Varoom, VAROOM…BAM! ‘Grampa’s gonna WIN, hooray!’ Pocketa-bam-pocketa-Bam-bam-BAM…bamBamBAM — Chof, varoom, Varoom, VA…BAAAAAM! Ch…pock…room…eta…aa…a…. Geez, the very next lottery I get… .
(Excerpted from “Tractor-Pulling Farmer-Secrecy Revisited,” Bodwyn Wook — ed)
[Emmett R Smith all rights reserved 25 April 2008]