by Nejmi Mohammed
Once upon a time in Wells, in southern Minnesota, a man announced to the townies that he would buy monkeys for research in the Sociology Dept at the State Teachers’ College in Terre De Bleu City, for a hundred dollars apiece.
The people seeing there were many monkeys around, or at least loads of teenaged boys and their girlfriends who could be stuffed into monkey costumes, went out into the surrounding corn and bean fields and started catching them.
The man bought scores at 100 dollars, but as the supply started to diminish, the townies stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at 200 dollars. This renewed the efforts of the rustics and they started catching adolescent “monkeys” again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their businesses and farms. The offer rate increased to 250 dollars and the supply of teenaged boys and girls in mufti, er, monkey became so little that it was an effort to even see one, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 500 dollars! However, since he had to go up to Terre De Bleu City on some business for a few days, with the cocaine wholesalers in the Law Enforcement Center there and in the alley behind the Smuttler’s Strip Joint, his assistant would now act as buyer on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the littletown smoothies:
“Look at all these teenage monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 350 bucks a pop and when the boss returns from the big city, Hell, you can sell them back to the dumb sonofabitch for 500, maybe even six or seventy-five hundred dollars!”
The Wells residents stripped their last money from out of the floundering bank and bought up all of the disguised and somewhat resentful, caged up teenagers from out of the pen in the high school gymnasium.
Then they never saw the assistant again, or his master, and only a load of monkeys lounging on skateboards downtown, some freshly pregnant, under foot everywhere!
Welcome to…The Market.
[Emmett R Smith
[all transcription-rights reserved
[12 October 2008]