Down On The Farm At the Turning Of The Year
by Anglo-American Farmer Bodwyn Wook
OUR June bugs are mainly May beetles and done for by early June. Otherwise, here are the odd lines of bucolic insight & BS that didn’t get posted here quite until now….
20 May 2009
by Bodwyn “Spinach Breath” Wook
[This was going to be a “brag” piece about all the pull-ups I can do and plus I’m sixty years old, nanner, nanner…but, there is “no use in pissing off people just for the Hell of it,” as Judson Andersen or Nejmi Mohammed, or somebody, used to say…and besides which I LOST the God-damn draught! BW]
31 May 2009
Dirty sonofabitch! Got nailed by my first mosquito today…the Dim & Dull-Normal and all the rest of the God-damned hereabouts blow around and spray so many kinds of poison that I’m actually surprised there are any at all, really.
5 June 2009
Got my ass bit by my first mosquito on 31 May….
Hay is all up as of late last week.
And, as to lawsuits [a ‘blogging’ topic in some venues at the time — ed]:
It IS as much as your life is worth here too, to let some sonofabitch step onto the property to pull a few stems of rhubarb….
But I still don’t think there should be caps on lawsuits, they are one of the oldest elements in our law. It is all the body of “findings” by the state about how this, that and the other is NOT “safe” that is the Devil in it all. At THAT point tort & suit become tools of the structural attack by income-needy Public Liberals on strong property rights.
The other thing good about suits is it is the one of two ways left to get money in a late-decadent period of historical degeneracy & generalized —ing up by the numbers — the only other one is lotteries. This is ALL the fruit & bitter weeds of credentialism:
“Hi, I’m a Trained Liberal, glad you met me, where do you got them wimmen and little boys and the drugs stashed, gimme…(drool, fester, rot!)”
16 June 2009
The vast corporations AND professionalists are in bed with “governance.” Julie Andrews should have sung in THIS musical! But no, it’s NOT a class act, just WAY too expensive, and plus it’s really grotesque & badly done porno, too. And guess what? WE pay for this…. If there were no monopoly of government licensing, these doctors would have to kiss ass & deal too, just like white folks, medical costs would be both negotiable and affordable, and there would be real choice in treatments. Not least this would be because all of the “healthcare managers” would be out as night janitors and earning approximately what their characters are really worth (pace, all nightmen & chars.) Ditto all else. Not least, anyone could go to the drugstore and buy all the dope they needed for a decent and, possibly, hastened death of a terminal illness.
The “government personality” IS an objectively God-damned complete sonofabitch AND a —en nuisance.
17 June 2009
It finally got hot today, darn near ninety. And now the thunderstorms are seriously rolling over the Earth. In Indian terms, the Snake People are now awake and doing….
20 June 2009
[The Landed Underclass on-line had written of the actual sagacity of sheep — ed]
Good morning, I’m off to look at some beehives for a friend on account of the dieback panic. Mine don’t, but I only hobby around at it now, so quien sabe? My “theory” is that all of these Goddess-condemned mobile ‘phone towers are churning out so much flux that the bees cave in from sheer confusion….
You are right about sheep, my Cheviot ewes have infinitely more on the ball than these two-legged dumb bastards running around loose here anyway, and plus they are damn good moms and lamb with ease and celerity even the first time around, but they ARE wilder than Hell!
“Governance” is an abyss and an abcess for people who can’t actually do a God-damn thing, so about taxes I say, “Well, Hell, I gave already — to the Salvation Army back at Christmas…so run along and get your help and free ride there, now beat it!”
It is Mid-Summer and life is good, we are eating out of the garden to beat the band and, for a wonder, the fencing is keeping out (O-U-T) the damn banty chickens. I’ve let the ducklings into the big run long since and they are paddling around to beat Hell. In the grove the raccoons sit enviously with binoculars in the trees and scribble little diagrams, but they are SOL (“shit out of luck!”) as we say around here.
21 June 2009
Fifty-two over-hand (!) pull-ups to-day…and TWICE, too, just for spite!
23 June 2009
We celebrated Midsummer’s Day on Sunday with a bogus tornado scare that produced funnels southwest of Winnebago, MN, thirteen or so miles west of here, MAYBE by Minnesota Lake, six miles to the Northeast, and just North of of Kiester, Southeast from here. Here it got blacker than Hell around seven-thirty in the evening (that’s “daylight” time) and me and MDPIC floundered down to the basement, and sat in the mildew and residue of Winter cat cunodens till it kind of all blew over. As a disaster it “didn’t amount to a handful of shit!” as my late Uncle Emmett Jacobson (d 1980 aetat 80), out of Eagle lake, MN., used to say.
Then today around three o’clcock the God-damn sirens went off again — supposedly some sonofabitch seen a twister just briefly, East of here a bit. Which might have been on the level, there was a thunderstorm warning, it banged anf lighteninged and rained like a cow pissing off a flat rock for five minutes as the line squall passed overhead. In just six months the days will be getting longer again, and we’ll be heading back into another round of this comedy. Heavens to Betsy. Anyway the God-damn wind blew down a bunch of my pea vines on Sunday and more today, sonofabitch weather! The Ducklings are now exploring a large expansion of their pond rights across the low middle of the farmyard, they’er happy any way, The Little Bastards.
24 June 2009
The Truth About “The Answer” To Climate Change
AS My ninety-one-year-old farm neighbour, Mr Judson Andersen says:
“‘Global Warming?’ Jesus Christ…hotter than Hell yesterday [90s, fahrenheit — ed] and now only 70 degrees!?!??
“One really smells a God-damn Jesus Christ RAT and that we are all being dealt a REAL handful of shit in this….
“As ought to be well-known by now to all you brain sonsofbitches, I anyway am NOT a God-damn fool and so naturally (!) I consider that the bastards [humans, eg — ed] partly ARE ‘responsible’ for global warming. Why the Hell not? This is just the same way as we have done in critters and habitats time after time before. We are PART of Nature, God damn it, and of all the bullshit that goes on constantly….
“So now that we have finally all figured it all out here by using our God-damn heads — mine! — just for once, well God damn it, the ONLY God-damn correct position in all this [and the objective corollary, that the fashionable pro and con on climate change is a phoney binarism, suitable only to the denizens of a moral kindergarten; and, those whose sole real purpose is name-calling — ed] the ONLY so-called ‘objective question’ is, Jesus Christ, just HOW in the Hell are we going to make it?
“Well, just like always it’ll be figured out by DIFFERENT sonsofbitches here and there, all on their own just like always, coming up for example with ways to run our thumbsucker patio heaters on these chilly June (!) nights with less God-damn waste. And LESS expense to us. This doesn’t have to be ‘mandated’ by the same God-damn pinheads from the moral kindergarten mentioned by that God-damn FOOL Wook up above, Jesus Christ…WHEN the cheaper sonofabitch IS available, we WILL cut off each other’s nuts in a riot at Menard’s to BUY the God-damn things.
“Trust me. You ought to…_I_ sure as Hell am NOT running for office anywhere!
“But anyway, ‘the answer’ is NOT in trying to take Heaven by storm with any God-damn fantasies still WAY far beyond us, of some kind of ‘nice’ — like Hell! — ‘One World’ government.”
[“Menard’s” is the North American DYI & Hellhole of indentured incompetent husbands & other males-not-men across the continent, all constrained by their wives & task-mistresses to buy tons of plasterboard and solvents, 9/10s of which ends up in the landfill, and to lose many an evening & weekend in stinky, fuming head-aching futility, trying in vain to turn some domestic shit or the other into gold. It is strictly an emporium for those who cannot or deliberately will not read. There are an amazing number of these geese and sales reportedly are up even in the recession. In Iraq, I see in the papers, the Mohametans are frantically setting off more bombs in a cordon sanitaire this week, avowedly to prevent the opening of any such emporia of male misery there — ed]
29 June 2009
First (!) fireflies tonight, in the dusk….
30 June 2009
Fireflies to beat the band, tonight — and, mosquitoes.
Today was blissfully cool and nice, and as the fieldwork is all under control (more or less), I spent three hours (!) hunting my twenty pound maul to bust up some red elm knots for the stove next Winter — she’s just around the corner now here, and the Sun already at noon reaches a quarter inch deeper into the South bedroom! Red elm is tight and dense and hard and a knot will blue and orange burn in a nicely damped down stove all night long. But, the root boles and knots are tougher than Hell. With me it is a matter of vanity and that I like to spend three hours breaking one up that I could maybe get split in half-an-hour with the ram…but NOT three hours hunting the God-damn hammer! Then I can go up to the eating restaurant on a rain day, and blow to beat Hell to the other windbags, about what a “complete sonofabitch” I am with a couple of wedge and a sledge.
Not to-day, er, today…AFTER saying the most awful things about God and “the Jews” for about three hours, THEN I go to work and remember I left the God-damn thing over at Schmeckelphartz’s at the end of April, when we was setting up forms for a concrete pour there. Naturally, by then it was too late and I had other fish to fry….
“People overseas come up with the God-damnedest things!” says my ninety-one-years’ old farm neighbour, Mr Judson Andersen, whilst peering over my shoulder into the computer this morning. This Boeing airliner in the YouNipple footage below, skidding “all over Hell” in a crosswind landing, is an example — and, my coolly dispassionate & wholly objective, scientific & decisive, above all intelligent, arguments against flight where one is not oneself driving the aeroplane are thereby enormously strengthened, of course, “caveat aleator” as we used to say, in my good old catapault & ballista battery…:
As I Have said before, I would like to see a steam locomotive do that!
According to Drury, the “Big Boy” sans tender came in around #772,000 and the “Allegheny” 2-6-6-6 do at #778,000. I don’t know about 400s, but the 747 Boeing 200-series fully laden weighs over 800,000 pounds at takeoff, and so I suppose, clapped out at destination, lands at a weight similar to one of these here steam engines. So…depends on your “crosswind.” So there! In 1948, here, in the so-called “Green Gables” tornado, a class-5 “twister” picked up and carried through the air a hundred yards or so another, admittedly smaller, locomotive engine, a C & NW train I believe (in that era very likely a “Pacific” type 4-6-2.). The old man who told me this in 1994 or so was then a Lake Crystal Lines bus driver and saw the engine for himself in the evening, on his second attempt to get through to Lake Crystal from Mankato, MN, after the storm. I specifically asked him if it looked as though it might have been tumbled along the ground, and he said not. In conjunction with “twisters” can come — usually after, too — pretty torrential brief downpours, so one cannot rule out the storm having bundled the engine over the ground like a brewery man or Mr Whiskers with a barrel, and then rain washing the path…but, that spoils the story I think. (In any case, short of an outright flood, this clay loam when wet does not “wash” that easy!)
I expect naturally that one would benefit (sic) from the cross gusts more if the locomotive had wings….
[Bodwyn Wook all rights reserved & all other rights revert to holders 30 June 2009]